It's like God shit irony all over that family
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
