im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
