Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
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