I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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