it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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