Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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