dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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