I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
