What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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