I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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