I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
