Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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