im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
