so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Boobs speak an international language.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
