wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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