you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
