I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
