yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
