My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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