Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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