Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There r osticjed everywhere
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
