:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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