i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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