You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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