ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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