u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
