the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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