i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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