Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
