Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
