i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
