Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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