Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
