I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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