..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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