Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
