I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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