I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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