Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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