i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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