God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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