Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
