One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
