I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
