Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
