I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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