dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A+ Viking dick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
