I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When are your genitals available?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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