I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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