So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
