tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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