I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
