I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
