I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who died my cat blue again?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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