hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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