It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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