i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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