i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
