four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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