2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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