Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
