Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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