are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
