He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
