He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
