U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
