Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
