i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
