I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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