so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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