i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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