I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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