There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I forget how to act sober
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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