FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
