Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
