I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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