I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize