Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
