the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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